Monday, May 3, 2010

Stealing more of Becky's characters

I'm trying to come up with a story for a short comic . . . which is basically a thinly veiled excuse for me to find an idea for my third year film.

So I'm writing in this weird cut-up style that's supposed to be sort of like script style only without making the effort.

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Charlotte wanders around London in search of Jekyll’s estate.

Awais is carefully pouring tea in the laboratory with Jekyll somewhere in the background.
He begins to realize that he’s out of honey as Jekyll announces:
“I’ll be taking off for the evening, I might be back late.”

Distractedly Awais searches the cupboards for honey. He searches through some dusty-looking shelves, but finds nothing. As he leaves to search elsewhere, the contents of one of the forgotten jars bubble.

Charlotte stands in front of Jekyll’s house. She holds a letter of correspondence.

As Awais is searching, the side door opens. Rachel stands nervously in the doorway and asks:
“Hello? Is this the home of Dr. Henry Jekyll?”
Awais looks up. “Y—yes it is, but I’m afraid h-he’s not in right now. . . .”
Charlotte makes a tight-lipped grimace, glancing down at her paper. She says nothing.
Awais offers: “But I’m s—sure you could wait for him.” He glances down at his tea tray.
Charlotte looks at him, and then—past him. Something seems to be worrying her.
From the cupboard, a cloud of something dark and unpleasant rises. It has nearly reached Awais, who hasn’t taken notice yet. It is nearly there and then—
Something light and quick rushes by, slicing at the cloud. It bursts into a tiny little bubbles. The something light and quick opens a vial that contains a tiny bright shard, which sucks all the black bubbles into it. It seals the vial shut.
Charlotte stares, still silent. Awais cringes—oh, it’s him. “U—um, if I may introduce . . . Dr. Jekyll’s assistant, Mr. Edward Hyde.”

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I REALLY hate using "generic creepy dark monster thing" but I need something to allow Hyde a cool introduction scene. :| I dunno. I also can't decide whether I want Hyde to introduce himself or for Awais to introduce him--I tend to think the less Hyde speaks, the cooler he is.

This gets less dull, really.

My general thought is that I like the back and forth in the first couple paragraphs and then it gets dull once the black cloud comes in.

Also I think I tend to overuse the formula of "weird girl who doesn't like talking and is secretly EVEN WEIRDER than she is on the surface".

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Also I sort of liked this little moment of recent RP (Jekyll has tagged along on one of Frankenstein’s graverobbing expeditions) and I might like to illustrate it:
“Oh, that was probably for the best. There was no use in Jekyll making a fool of himself with trying to do actual physical labor. Meanwhile, Frankenstein had set the eye into a tiny box with a carrying handle, which he handed to Jekyll. The thing was so small and so delicate that it almost felt like carrying a woman's purse, and he had the embarrassing thought that Frankenstein didn't trust him with anything heavier. He watched with embarrassment as his old mentor covered up the evidence of his work.”

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